Find purpose and happiness again, without feeling like you're betraying your late spouse.

81,000 widowed people have found my words compelling enough to follow along for more. 

I speak from the heart with vulnerability on TikTok, sharing the highs, lows, and insights I've had after losing my wife, Tamara, to cancer 7 years ago. 

Here's what other people I've helped have to say.

A welcoming community, for widowed people just like you.

I created We The Widowed as a space for us to connect, learn and grow together. A place to belong & feel at home. A place where you can support other widowed people or be supported yourself, depending on where you're at on any given day.

• Get answers to your questions in a safe and supportive space.
• Connect with other widowed people who share your experience.
• Take part in helpful sessions on topics that matter to you.

Why me? Why this community?

After losing Tamara to cancer, I quit my job to be there for our kid, 11 years old at the time. Years of aniticipatory grief had me pretty messed up. On one hand, I felt like I was over the worst of it. After all, what can be worse than watching the one you love slowly succumb to a horrible illness? On the other hand, my mind was racing with a million and one thoughts about what I should do next. 

Well, the grief decided what came next. I spent weeks upon weeks curled up in the fetal position on the sofa, bawling my eyes out. Crushing feelings of hopelessness, debilitating feelings of regret and blood-boiling anger were daily occurrences during this time.

Eventually, the worst of the worst began to lift. The spells on the sofa began to get shorter and less frequent. I began to feel a sense of needing to make some kind of forward progress, even if it was just to get out of the house for a while. 

As the acute grief began to subside, I began to think about my future. What did my next 40 years look like? Would I spend it alone? Would anyone even want to date a middle-aged widowed guy with full-time childcare responsibilities? 

I began to distill these thoughts down to what I called my Absolute Truths. Ideas that were irrefutable, such as 'I loved Tamara with all my heart' and 'I did the best I knew how to at the time.' These truths allowed me to look within and find something solid amid a sea of uncertainty. They allowed me to begin taking those small steps forward, towards the life I knew I wanted for myself as I rebuilt from scratch.

 As I type this, I know I've still got a ways to go. The grief didn't go away - it will be with me always. As will my love for Tamara. But I'm in a very good place. That 11-year-old child is now an 18-year-old adult with a kind heart and a bright future. I'm back to doing meaningful work at a job I enjoy. And I've met someone new and wonderful that I'm madly in love with. Sara and I have plans to buy a house together soon where we'll raise chickens, grow our own veggies and watch the sun set from a swing on the porch. 

To be clear, it hasn't been easy - my kid has been in therapy for years, and still struggles with having lost his mom way too soon. My grief still blindsides me from time to time, impacting my relationships with others in ways I'm still trying to understand. And my foray into dating wasn't exactly smooth sailing. I encountered tremendous internal challenges as I navigated those early days of dating and new relationships, many of which went sideways when my grief reared its head.

I created this community so that I can share what helped me along the way. I know how hard it is trying to muscle through it alone. I don't want you to have to go through that. Join me inside the community and tell me what you're struggling with so I can help you find the path that leads to lasting happiness.

What this community is.

This is a place to feel welcomed and supported, where you can connect with me and others to focus on your growth towards the life you want.

What it isn't.

This community is not a matchmaking service, nor is it a place to seek out dates or romantic connections.